Online Attachment-Focused Therapy for Adults in Maine & New Hampshire
If you keep ending up in the same relationship patterns, such as needing constant reassurance, pulling away when things get close, or reading a delayed text as a sign something is wrong, it isn’t because something is wrong with you. Those patterns usually make sense once you understand where they came from, and they can change.
I provide online attachment-focused therapy for adults located in Maine or New Hampshire. My work centers on anxious attachment, relationship anxiety, and the patterns that develop when closeness has felt unpredictable or unsafe. I integrate attachment-informed work with CBT, DBT skills, EMDR, and mindfulness and body-based practices.
What is attachment?
Attachment is how you learned to connect with other people, shaped by early relationships with the people who cared for you, and carried forward into adult relationships. If comfort and safety were reliable, you probably learned that people can be depended on. If they were inconsistent, absent, or sometimes frightening, you may have learned to stay alert, hold back, or work hard to keep people close.
These patterns are often grouped into attachment styles:
- Secure: you’re generally comfortable with closeness and independence.
- Anxious: you crave closeness and worry about being left or not being enough.
- Avoidant: you value independence and feel uncomfortable relying on others or being relied on.
- Disorganized (sometimes called fearful-avoidant): you want closeness and fear it at the same time.
Styles aren’t fixed labels or diagnoses. They’re patterns, and most people see themselves in more than one. Your pattern can also shift with new relationships and experiences, including therapy.
Signs attachment patterns may be affecting you
If you lean anxious
- Overthinking texts, tone, and small changes in how someone treats you
- Needing frequent reassurance, then feeling embarrassed for asking
- Fear of being abandoned or “too much”
- Putting others’ needs first to keep the peace
- Feeling calm only when a relationship feels certain
If you lean avoidant
- Pulling away when relationships get closer
- Discomfort with vulnerability or depending on others
- Valuing self-reliance to the point of isolation
- Feeling suffocated by someone else’s needs
If you feel pulled both ways
- Wanting closeness and feeling unsafe when you get it
- Intense swings between clinging and withdrawing
- Difficulty trusting, even people who’ve been reliable
In your body
- Tension, a racing heart, or a sinking feeling when a relationship feels uncertain
- Going numb or shutting down during conflict
How I work with attachment
I focus on three things:
1. Understanding your patterns. We look at where they came from, what they were protecting you from, and how they show up now, in romantic relationships, friendships, family, and at work. Seeing a pattern clearly is often the first thing that loosens it.
2. Building skills for the moment. Insight helps, but you also need tools when anxiety spikes at 11 p.m. CBT helps you notice and test the thoughts that drive the spiral. DBT skills help you tolerate distress, regulate emotions, and communicate more clearly without over-explaining or shutting down.
3. Healing what’s underneath. When your patterns trace back to painful experiences, EMDR can help your brain reprocess them so they carry less weight. Mindfulness and body-based practices help you notice what’s happening in your body before it takes over.
The therapy relationship itself also matters. Research on attachment suggests that a consistent, honest, trustworthy relationship can be a corrective experience. In our work, I’ll be real with you, including when it’s uncomfortable, and I’ll stay in your corner. That’s part of how security gets built.
Who this is for
I work with adults who:
- Feel anxious or insecure in relationships and want to understand why
- Notice the same patterns repeating in partners or friendships
- Struggle with people-pleasing, boundaries, or fear of conflict
- Are healing from relationship trauma, including emotionally painful or unstable relationships
- Grew up with unpredictable, critical, or emotionally unavailable caregivers
- Are navigating dating, breakups, or rebuilding trust
- Are parents (including new parents) noticing their own early experiences resurface – learn more about perinatal mental health here.
A note on scope: I provide individual therapy only. I’m happy to work with you on how a partner’s or family member’s behavior affects you, but I don’t offer couples or family therapy.
What working together looks like
- A free 15-minute consultation to talk about what’s going on and see if we’re a good fit
- A collaborative start: we’ll talk about your history, your relationships, and what you want to change
- Skills and insight together, at a pace that feels manageable
- Honest conversations, where I’ll name patterns I notice and check in about how it lands
- Online sessions over secure video, from a place that’s comfortable for you
I provide therapy to adults who are located in New Hampshire or Maine at the time of the session. In New Hampshire, I’m licensed as an LCMHC and MLADC. In Maine, I’m licensed as an LCPC.
Frequently Asked Questions about attachment therapy
What is attachment-focused therapy?
It’s therapy that looks at how your early and ongoing relationships shaped the way you connect, and helps you build more secure ways of relating. It’s usually combined with other approaches, like CBT, DBT, or EMDR, rather than used alone.
How do I know my attachment style?
You don’t need to know it to start therapy. We’ll explore your patterns together. Online quizzes can be a starting point, but they’re informal and don’t replace an assessment.
Can attachment styles change?
Yes. Attachment patterns are not permanent. Many people develop more secure ways of relating over time, through new relationships, self-awareness, and therapy. This is sometimes called “earned security.”
Is anxious attachment a mental illness?
No. It isn’t a diagnosis. It’s a pattern of relating that can show up alongside anxiety, depression, or trauma, and it can be worked on in therapy.
Do you work with couples to help with attachment issues?
No. I provide individual therapy only. I can help you understand and change your own patterns, which often affects your relationships, but I don’t offer couples or family therapy.
Is attachment work only about my childhood?
No. Early experiences matter, but we also look at your current relationships and what’s keeping the pattern going. We go as far back as is useful for you, and no further.
Will I have to talk about painful memories?
Not necessarily. We go at your pace. If past experiences are driving your patterns, we’ll talk about whether and how to work on them, including options like EMDR.
How long does it take?
It varies. Some people notice shifts in a few months, and deeper patterns often take longer. We’ll review progress together.
Can attachment work help with anxiety?
Often, yes. Anxiety and attachment are closely linked, and many people find their relationship anxiety eases as they understand and change their patterns. See my anxiety therapy page.
Do you take insurance?
Yes. Learn more here.
Ready to talk?
You don’t have to have your patterns figured out to start. If you’re curious about working together, I offer a free consultation for adults in Maine and New Hampshire.
If you’re in crisis or having thoughts of harming yourself, call or text 988. This page is for education and isn’t a substitute for professional mental health care.