When I mention EMDR, I usually get one of two reactions: “I’ve never heard of that,” or “I think I’ve heard of that but I don’t understand what it is.” Both are fair. EMDR sounds a little mysterious from the outside, so I want to walk through what it is, what happens in a session, and who it can help.
EMDR in plain terms
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It’s a structured therapy that was developed in the late 1980s by psychologist Francine Shapiro, originally to help people recover from trauma.
Here’s the basic idea. Normally, your brain processes what happens to you and files it away as “that was then.” But when an experience is overwhelming or painful enough, it can get stuck. The memory stays raw, so that years later a sound, a tone of voice, or a moment of conflict can make your body react as if it’s happening right now.
EMDR helps your brain finish that processing. The memory doesn’t disappear. You’ll still know what happened, but it stops carrying the same level of distress when you reflect back on it. Many people describe it as the memory moving from feeling like it’s happening right now to feeling like something from the past.
So what’s the deal with the eye movements?
During the processing part of a session, you briefly focus on a memory while doing something called bilateral stimulation: back-and-forth input that alternates between the left and right sides of your body. That might be following a moving light with your eyes, listening to tones that alternate between ears, or tapping on your knees or shoulders.
Researchers are still working out exactly why this helps. One leading idea is that it gives your brain a task that keeps you grounded in the present while you revisit something difficult, so the memory doesn’t feel as overwhelming. What we do know is that it’s not hypnosis. You’re awake and aware the whole time, and you’re in control.
What a session looks like
EMDR isn’t something we jump into on day one. A typical course goes like this:
- Getting to know you. We talk about your history, what’s bringing you in, and what you want to change.
- Preparation. This stage is where we build your ability to stay grounded and calm when things get hard. Some people already have good tools for this, and it may take just 1 to 2 sessions. Others need 4 to 6, or longer. If you have a history of dissociation, which is when your mind disconnects from the present moment, your body, or your feelings as a way of coping, it may take more time. That’s not a setback and doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. It just means we go slower so you stay safe.
- Processing. We choose a specific memory or trigger to focus on. While you notice what comes up, thoughts, feelings, body sensations, we use bilateral stimulation in short sets, checking in between them. You don’t have to describe every detail out loud.
- Closing and checking in. Each session ends with grounding, so you leave feeling stable. We revisit your progress at the next session.
What EMDR can help with
EMDR has the strongest research behind it for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and major organizations including the World Health Organization recommend it for that. Many therapists, myself included, also use it for experiences that aren’t a single “big T” event. EMDR can support people dealing with:
- Trauma from a single event, like an accident, assault, or medical crisis
- Childhood and relational trauma
- Emotional abuse and painful relationship patterns
- Anxiety, panic, and the physical tension that goes with them
- Attachment wounds, such as feeling unsafe or unseen in relationships
- Grief and loss
- Birth and perinatal trauma
- Phobias and fears with a clear starting point
- Distressing memories that keep intruding on daily life
The evidence for some of these is stronger than for others. A good EMDR therapist will tell you honestly whether it’s a good fit for what you’re facing.
Does EMDR work online?
Yes. I provide EMDR through secure telehealth, and the steps are the same. Instead of following a light bar in an office, we use options like following a dot on your screen, tapping on your own knees or shoulders (sometimes called the butterfly hug), or audio tones through headphones. Online sessions also let you do the work from somewhere that already feels safe to you. We spend extra time on grounding and safety planning before, during, and after sessions.
Frequently asked questions
Do I have to talk about everything that happened to me?
No. You decide how much to share. Some people talk through details, and others only name a feeling or an image. EMDR can work either way, which is one reason people who find talk therapy hard to start with sometimes feel relief here.
During processing, we pause between rounds of bilateral stimulation (the eye movements, tapping, or tones) to check in. Those check-ins stay brief, often just a few words about what you noticed – a thought, sensation, feeling, etc. The goal is to keep you in the experience rather than stepping out to explain it, so your brain can keep doing its work.
Will I remember everything? Does it erase memories?
You’ll keep your memories. What usually changes is how they feel: they tend to lose their intensity and feel more like something that happened rather than something that’s happening.
Is EMDR hypnosis?
No. You’re fully awake, aware, and in charge the whole time, and you can stop at any point.
How many sessions will I need?
It varies a lot. A single, recent event can take fewer sessions, while longer-standing or relational trauma often takes more time. I often work with clients using EMDR for 3-6 months, but more acute concerns may only take 4-6 sessions. This could be more, this could be less. We’ll check in on progress along the way.
Is it going to be painful or overwhelming?
It can bring up strong emotions, and some people feel tired or emotional afterward. That’s why the preparation phase exists, and why we pace the work to what you can handle. A trained therapist will slow down or pause whenever you need.
A big part of my job is keeping you in your “window of tolerance.” This term is credited to Dan Siegel and its the zone where you can feel difficult emotions without being flooded by them or shutting down. When you’re inside it, your brain can process what’s coming up. When you’re pushed outside of it, into panic and overwhelm on one side or numbness and disconnection on the other, processing stalls. So during reprocessing, I’m watching for signs you’re drifting toward either edge, and we slow down, pause, or ground as needed. You can also stop at any point.
Is EMDR right for everyone?
Not always. It may not be the best first step if you’re in a crisis, or if you need more stability or support before processing trauma. We’d talk through that during a consultation. For some people, a different approach, or one that comes first, makes more sense.
How do I know a therapist is trained in EMDR?
Ask about their training. Reputable EMDR therapists complete an approved training program, and some pursue additional certification through EMDRIA.
I completed EMDR Basic Training in 2023 through EMDRIA with Mark Nickerson, LICSW, and have done advanced training in EMDR and Parts Work for Treating Complex Trauma with Arielle Schwartz, PhD, CCTP-II, E-RYT. I continue to participate in ongoing EMDR Consultation with Peg Correia, M. Ed., MLADC.
Is EMDR right for you?
If you keep getting pulled back to something that happened, or if you know a pattern in your relationships or anxiety traces back to something old, EMDR may be worth exploring. You don’t have to figure that out on your own, and it’s okay not to be sure yet.
I offer online EMDR therapy for adults in Maine and New Hampshire. If you’d like to talk it through, I’d be glad to help you figure out whether it makes sense for you. Book a free consultation here.