Our brain is a lazy bitch. It prefers autopilot, relying on neural pathways built through repetition to conserve energy and minimize conscious effort. The more a behavior is repeated, the stronger those pathways become, eventually forming habits. And once habits are established, they can be hard to break.
Even if we know that something—or someone—is not good for us, we go there anyway. Our brains instinctively seek that too-familiar direction. Relationship choices are very often made not by what we logically know might be best for us, but by what we have done before.
Our brain feels safe in the familiar. And our brain is also hardwired to protect us and keep us safe, even if “safe” isn’t actually safe. Familiar people or situations allow the brain to predict an outcome, and that predictability can feel far safer than stepping into the uncertainty of something new.
Our earliest relationships (think caregivers or immediate family) shape what safety feels like and how we attach in relationships. These early experiences shape the brain’s expectations and beliefs about intimacy, trust, and managing conflict—and those expectations often carry into our relationships later in life.
Therapy can help slow this process down and bring it into awareness. Together, we will unpack where these patterns come from, explore how your attachment shows up in relationships, and begin to notice the moments where your brain defaults to the familiar. From there, therapy isn’t about forcing big changes all at once, but about making small, intentional shifts in thoughts, behaviors, and responses. Over time, those small shifts create new experiences of safety, allowing the brain to form new pathways—and new habits—that support healthier, more secure relationships.