“Ready for the holidays?!” Everyone’s favorite checkout-line question. If you’re anything like me, your internal dialogue doesn’t quite match the tight smile and polite nod that says, “Yes.” Inside, you’re panicked at how little time there is left. With two work parties, two family parties, the yankee swap party (and maybe even an ugly sweater party?!) all crammed into the next week. Not to mention the Christmas cards, elf on the shelf, cookie swaps, gift wrapping, gifts for the teacher, mailman, bus driver and suddenly you are very overwhelmed.
Why do the holidays sneak up on us every year? We know they’re coming, they always do. Maybe this year you even planned ahead—started shopping in the summer, picking up gifts, checking boxes along the way. And here you are – running out of time, yet again.
You’re “supposed” to be jolly this time of year. Instead, your neck and shoulders are screaming, you can’t remember the last time you actually breathed, your answers are short and borderline rude, and somewhere in your brain a tiny voice is already booking a fantasy beach escape.
So what should the goal be? Regulation. The ability to survive life’s chaos without losing your mind. Before we add one more thing to your overflowing list, let’s hit the pause button and talk about how to get through this season relatively unscathed. This isn’t another “to-do” but more of your permission slip to not be perfect.
Permission Slip #1: Lower the Bar (and the Expectations)
Gasp! Did I really just recommend doing less this holiday? Yes. I did. One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was to lower my expectations. Harsh at first—but the more I embraced it, the more I realized I wasn’t doing things because I genuinely wanted to; but because I thought others expected me to.
Holidays don’t have to be Instagram-worthy. Give yourself permission to scale back traditions or do things differently. Not everyone needs a handmade gift; a gift card works too. Custom charcuterie? Nope. I’ll happily grab the veggie tray from the local store.
The goal isn’t to meet everyone else’s expectations—it’s to do what’s sustainable for you. Ask yourself: “What can I realistically handle right now?”
Permission Slip #2: Build in Micro-Moments of Regulation
When was the last time you hit the emotional pause button and really checked in with yourself? Notice how your body feels. Notice your breath. Your nervous system doesn’t care about your holiday checklist—it cares about feeling safe. Taking small moments to pause and tune in can go a long way toward preventing a holiday meltdown.
These tiny moments of self-care might look like:
- Ground yourself in the present using your senses. Notice what you see, hear, feel, and smell around you. Pay attention to how this pause affects how you feel.
- Take a few deep breaths. Inhale through your nose, let your ribs and belly expand, and exhale slowly through your mouth, let your stomach contract as you release tension.
- Check in with your body. Notice areas of tension and send intentions of love and release to those spots. Try squeezing your muscles tightly, then letting go—relaxing and noticing the difference.
Even brief moments like these help your nervous system feel safer and more regulated, making the holidays a little easier.
Permission Slip #3: Set and Hold Boundaries Without Over-Explaining
“No” is a complete sentence. We often feel the need to explain ourselves, trying to manage how others might react—but what does that do to your peace of mind?
Boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re survival. It’s okay to limit your time at gatherings, decline sensitive conversations, or skip events completely. You don’t need to justify yourself; simple phrases work:
- “That doesn’t work for me this year.”
- “I’m sorry, it’s not in the budget.”
Your comfort is valid, even if others don’t fully understand.
Permission Slip #4: Know When to Reach for Support
Ask for help. Its not a weakness—it’s a sign of strength and inner wisdom. Reach out to a trusted friend and ask to vent your holiday frustrations. Don’t skip your usual self-care routines—attend that yoga class, keep your weekly therapy session, or whatever normally helps you feel grounded.
Therapy isn’t just for crisis—especially during the holidays, it can help you cope before overwhelm peaks. If you notice increased panic, persistent hopeless thoughts, or rising substance use, reach out right away.
These “permission slips” aren’t about adding more to your to-do list—they’re about giving yourself space, boundaries, and moments of calm so your nervous system can survive and thrive.
Take a deep breath. Let go of perfection. Say yes to what nourishes you, and no to what drains you. This season, your well-being matters as much as anyone else’s. Reach out to schedule a therapy session and give yourself the gift of support.